Food for Thought?

 

*Walks in SLOWLY* 

*Removes cobwebs*....

Well, hello there! 

*choosing to ignore the LONG hot minUte! 

 

The other day ( not so long ago)  life events got me to the industrial area police station!

Now, I've always had a strained relationship with the guys in uniform. 

All my interactions with them always end up in premium tears or a bleeding bank account. There was one time I had to use all the theatrics skills I learned in primary school to get my self out of a situation!

 Eeh! That act should have gotten an Emmy!Ahhh! That day, the cop drove me home! LITERALLY she took the car and drove home.

Anyway... Back to today!

I packed enough patience, tears and threw in good cheer!

We (Mother and I)  get to the station but, something strikes me like a ton of brick! Behind the men in uniform, there are souls!

Who Knew?

The station is their natural habitat!

I marvel at how they interact with each other, they are extremely friendly, they laugh, fist bump, share inside jokes etc. 

I see a hawker pass through the station with the shoes he is hawking hanging from his shoulders and others in his hand. His confidence is astounding, it should be among the 7 wonders! Yaani huyu ako na audacity!

None of the cops have their hats on. Maybe it is the hats that take over their souls and make them seemingly inhumane!

I knew we would be there for a while so I decided to take a tour!

I wish I did NOT!

I walked into what looked like a grave yard!

A grave yard of stories!

Cars and motorbikes that have been involved in accidents! 

The motorbikes formed a small mountain! It was heart breaking!

The cars were ripped like paper! And these were not JUST any cars. These were top notch Machines!! German machines! beasts that had been brought down!

My feet froze! My eyes wished they could unsee what they were experiencing!

The motorbikes took me back to the year I lost my uncle. He had a fatal accident when on his bike! This was my favourite unlce. 

Flashes of ALL the motorbike accidents I have seen just this year came flooding! 

I could almost feel all their Pain! 

I could hear the screams from the souls of the people who were in the cars!

Each car or motorbike succinctly spoke its truth! I heard them ALL!

Guys! Please be careful on these our roads!

Maybe Faith?

Maybe Faith!

One thing I constantly battle with is hearing God’s voice. Myeen!

 I STRUGGLE A LOT! 

Hence I find myself constantly second-guessing most of the ideas/thoughts/plans/relations that I deal with daily. 

Was it God’s will that I start a Company? Or was I too beat up with the lack of communication when I sent out gazillion ‘Job application emails and letters’ that I took the easiest way out? Hid behind entrepreneurship so that I do not have to get another silence/ another regret / another ‘rejection’. Is this company as a result of reckless faith or is it an escape from the seemingly lack of employment opportunities?

Was it really God’s plan / or my escape plan?

I cannot honestly answer this because: *read the second line*.

Building a company is NO walk in the park, leave alone starting a business. There are days on end that I don’t get out of bed because of the paralyzing fear of failing / not being relevant / not getting clients / not getting paid. Despite all these, I cannot ignore the overwhelming satisfaction that comes with doing what I do. I have and would offer communication strategies for free if bills didn’t need to be paid or counties visited or coffee had. There is an unexplainable joy that comes from putting together words that paint pictures and create worlds that exist only in the mind.

But still, a constant question of is it God’s will that I build my company or am I meant to be working for a company? Getting a paycheque at the end of every month? Did I give up too soon on the job searching? Was I like an email away to a dream career?

To those guys who are can hear/know beyond any doubt about God’s will/voice / in all areas of their lives - please show me your ways. Now, I know what the bible says about His sheep and knowing His voice. I know, maybe in 2020 its not just the vision that will be perfected.

This year part of the resolution was deep water faith. Taking on tasks that are very counter-intuitive, like being vulnerable, submitting to the process of being held accountable (especially in business), seeing humans through the eyes of God (eeeh this is the mother of all hard things to do). looking back, I am not sure I did well. I was too stuck on the fear of being hurt or failing.

Other than business, another struggle is the life choices I make. For instance, my non-negotiables when it comes to the dating scenes. Are they too stuck-up? Are they too old fashioned? Are they unrealistic? Now, let’s clear this:- I know there are some men who are not saved that would make for better life partners than the saved men ( I KNOW) BUT one personal non-negotiable is that someone I would consider to be in a relationship with has to have a relationship with Christ. Unfaithfulness is a deal-breaker for me. 

Now here comes the spanner in the works: - is this my own standard or is this God’s will for my course of life. Is this the reason why I hang out with single-hood? Do people still uphold such values? Or does anything go? I have heard numerous stories about Christian men whose actions would make the devil blush, is it still feasible to pray and wait on God for a spouse? The stats and endless stories in these streets make the wait feel futile.

Cheers to the wait.

 
 I don't know what 2020 holds, but I am planning to do a slow dance with all my fears as I do the things that scare me to death.