Heart on sleeve.

One of my greatest fear, next to not fulling the purpose I was created for, is waking up to a world with no words. A world which I cannot express my thoughts / feelings / experiences / using words. This is a world I do not know how I would cope.

Would my friends and family know how much I love them if the words are taken away? Will they know that I am forever grateful for the shared experiences, and the memories shared?

I am therefore taking a plunge in the uncharted waters to be there for the ones who mean the world to me. Put away the phone when mother speaks and listen to her dreams and aspirations, let her know that I believe in her, in what she can achieve, let her know that I am super proud of all that she has achieved, the life she has curved out for her family.

Take the time out to watch what Rev does. Listen to his actions, pay close attention to the intention behind every word spoken. Be more present. Leave out the hurts but take the lessons that come from him.

Pray more for brothers and sisters. That God's grace and wisdom will find a home in their homes. That they will know peace. A peace beyond their wildest imagination. Let them know that I am proud of the people they have become / are becoming.

See my friends more. We are on different pages in our lives, but most have been closer than family, they have been able to see me for who I really am and they choose to walk this journey with me. It is truly a blessing.

I pray for courage and strength to step out of the world I have come to be familiar with, to the world of vulnerability and authenticity to be at peace with the relations that might fall through the cracks as I shake the foundations. I do not know what is around the bend, so let us find out!

Ditching my hang out joint!

Getting a great hang out joint with an ambiance that is good(for working) , you don't need to start your journey 5days before you get to it, and the food or the bill doesn't push you closer to your grave, in County 47 is such an up hill task.

Yaani....

 That's why when I stumbled on 89,I was home. The search was over (Or so I thought)

My bank account didn't need to be on life support when I go to 89,I don't loose 10kgs from the walk, the wifi is good, the food is amazing (you must try their bhajias if you haven't been there), I could stay as long as I need to(yes PAST TENSE)

On Saturday, I was in town early so breakfast at 89, get some work in then carry on with life (that was the plan).

 The usual happens.

The soldier holds the gate open for me, head nods exchange. He closes the gate. There was someone else behind me and she's asked where she is going. Silently I'm glad I don't have to deal with that.

I get to 89 and I am met with strange faces.

I don't see Miriam who knows I don't take sugar in my black coffee. I always get extra cookies with my coffee, thanks to her.

I don't see Nuru who never smiles but gets my order a little bit faster than the expected wait time. She's always swift!

Elizabeth left a few months ago and it was hard to get over that. She carried all the smiles Nuru left behind. There was never a dull moment. She was a bit too chatty but I liked her.

Steve made sure I got the corner table.

I once went for 2 weeks without visiting them and Bahati almost called to check up.

This was Home (Yes, past tense). And I walked home to new faces.

10mins after settling in a lady comes to my table.

Lady : Bado hauja decided?
Ice : (Taken back) did you bring the menu?
She goes and gets me the menu, places it on the table and stands there to wait for my order.

Without opening the menu:-

Ice : House coffee black and Chapati
Lady : Kuna kitu ingine?
Ice : Yes, space.

20 mins later, the order is brought, Ear phones in place. Greyson open. Work time!

Being on a morning Saturday, the place is almost empty. We are about 10 people. The internet is slow but I don't mind. Leo words ziko on over_flow. I am loving the silence!

3 Hours later. A different lady walks up to my table holding the menu. She places the Menu on the table. So I remove the earphones because I could see her lips moving.

Ice : Sorry, I didn't catch what you were saying..
Lady 2 : You must make an order.
Ice : I did. At 8 o'clock.
Lady 2 : Umekaa sana, so the management order is if someone stays for long they have to make another order.
Ice : (smiling calmly) How long is Long?
Lady 2 : It is going to lunch, so you need to make another order.
Ice : Go tell management to come get my order.
Lady 2 : Grabs the menu and walks to get my order.

2 minutes later. Sandra walks up to me.

Sandra : Yes, is there a problem?
Ice : I don't know, you tell me. I have just been told I need to make another order because I have stayed here for long.
Sandra : Yes those are the new rules. Because we noticed there are people who just come to use our WiFi, and they stay the whole day here without ordering for anything.
Ice : Okay. I hear you. How long have I been coming here?
Sandra : Enyewe you are our regular customer.
Ice : Do I give you business? Do I come with other people? Do I have all meals here if I stay the whole day?
Sandra : Yes..
Ice : So is there a problem today?
Sandra : Pole. Maybe we should make an exception.
Ice : (Smiles) That wasn't the right way to pass that message. You have a great facility here but your customer retention is wanting.

I make my payments and a mental note to look for a new hang out joint.

In the restroom, I meet a familiar face she is getting ready to start her shift. She looks preoccupied.

Ice : Hey. Ndio Kuingia ( Yes, I can also state the obvious)
Lady 3  : Ndio.
Ice : Leo ni watu wageni wako huko juu.
Lady 3 : Ndio, hata mimi pengine hutanipata next month.
Ice : Kwanini
Lady 3 : The working conditions zimekuwa ngumu. Wenye wanakuja wanaletwa na mdosi so wanajifanya pia hao ni wadosi. Pengine nita rudi tu nyumbani Mombasa, Jiji kumekuwa kugumu sana.

She says and continues to get ready. I could the frustration in her eyes, she was slowly coming to the end of the rope. We talked a bit longer and by the end of the conversation a smile was almost coming to surface.

She has to clock in, I needed to get back to life.