Comparison Bug

These streets here can deal you some massive comparison blows ( Don't let the blows take you out. They are nothing more than cotton candy blows)

So today is research day ( basically looking at Youtube Videos for inspiration) Content creation is No walk in the park I say.

I stumble on a couple's vlog ( This is the new Quail eggs, ama mimi ndiye niko late?) I watch some vlogs they have put up and myeen!! these guys are living it up (or so it seems). It looks like they are constantly traveling the world, staying in some exotic hotels surprising each other with Ferrari (yaani the whole fairly tale life). In this particular vlog post the scene is at their apartment, she is studying for some exam and he is reading a magazine ( a couple that reads together stays together -LOL) .The dude comes across a car ad and he looks up to his girlfriend...
Dude : This is a really nice car.
Lady : (looks up, Looks at the car preoccupied) yes it is. *goes back to studying*
Dude : We must get this car
Lady : ..But babe, we do not need another car.
Dude : *(mumbles something under his breath)*

Immediately : Change of scene, they are now in a car

Lady : babe, tell us what we are now doing.
Dude : *Grinning* Test driving the car I saw this morning in the magazine.

Weee!! Wacha niende pale Mulei nikakunywe kahawa and try not to measure up my life against what I see out here because I will Always fall short!

Ni hayo tu kwa sasa!

Flawed beauty

Behind the perfect 'Insta pics' / lies perfect hurts.

We prevaricate from the insecurities / pains / struggles / and paint perfect white picket-fence lives. The painting is a mirage - Do Not be Fooled!! What we innately need is a perfect love! One that sees us without the Mac and and the filters. One that does not need perfectly put together words. One that loves our essence.

It's okay to show the flaws! It's okay to be honest! It's okay not to be 'Living it up'! It's okay to show who you are!

I pray we(I) stop buying the lie.

#NoMoreComfortZones
#IntentionalLife
#lifeIsBeautiful
#NoMoreComfortzones

No Prayer

I haven't got a prayer in me!

You know one of those neatly put together words that can move mountains or that ought to be put in a prayer book and recited over generations.  I don't!

There is an easy way out : Silence : But even in silence words are heard.

The blank stares are interpreted as arrogance
The absence will be a present
The running is geeting me nowhere
The rat race in the rut is on!
The raging war between what is, what can be, what ought to be, will not let me be.

#DiscomfortZone
#NoMoreComfortzones

Intentional Living

Job 2:13 (Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.) Now let that sit! Let that cook a little bit.

As in 7 days 7 nights just hanging out with a friend who is going through hell! Saying nothing! Just sitting. Not letting words get in the way of communing.

 Now I have to be that kind of friend, so help me God!

The parameters of our friendships sometimes only go to where we are comfortable. It's just hanging out, going to places, liking posts, double tapping on the photos: theoretic friendships/facebook besties/IG stalkers. They are so made up the foundation gives in at the very first sight of discomfort!

Since we are stepping out of these parameters into the discomfort it's going to get real. Vulnerability has been invited, there's a reserved seat for friction, realness is the name of the party! And even when it does not suit me,I will submit to this process.

If I want to SUCCEED in life( in what God has called me to do/be) I need my friends who are family! To INTENTIONALLY do life with them. Not just in these streets but beyond the hellos,the 'it's been a minute', the 'we should hang out soon',

 I will be that friend!

#IntentionalLife
#NoMoreComfortzones
#DiscomfortZone

I need help. Pray with me.

Air does not need a GPS guide to your lungs, neither does the sun need a clock to wake it up. I have never seen a bird seated in class of higher institution yet above the ground is home for them, they spread out their wings, air finds its way beneath them and the sun stands in awe. I believe that sisters are the air we need. They bring live to our lives, give us the strength we need to get to us to our purpose. They love us with a freeing kind of love, their love knows no limit it will always find us, free us, dare us to be ourselves. 

There is nothing in this world you will not give to ensure that she is okay. You move all that can be moved to see a smile on her face, sparkle in her eye and strength in her bones. You need her strength for both of you. So you do what you know to.

Get on your knees.

Pray for healing.

Ask for restoration.

Reach out to your circle and ask them to get on their knees, pray with/for you, believe with you for healing. 

I need your prayer. My friend needs your prayers. Her sister needs healing. 

Pray with me / with her / for her. 

Early in 2018 Tracey (My Pal's sis) noticed some swelling on her breast when she carried out her self-examination (ladies, please do this regularly). She immediately went to get checked in hospital. Tests were done, and confirmation for breast cancer came in August. 2^nd stage.

Since it was caught early, mastectomy was done. There after the cause of treatment advised was chemotherapy (Chemo) first, followed by hormonal therapy then take it up from there. The family was set (Please have NHIF. PLEASE). After just two sessions of chemo, one in December and the other in January Tracey woke up one morning with crippling pain on her back. She went to the local clinic and was prescribed some pain meds to relieve the pain as she awaits her regular appointments.

During her regular appointment, she spoke to her doctor who later requested her to do a bone scan. Did you know that the only machine available in the country to do this scan is at Aga khan? Well, neither did they.

To manage the pain, the doctor advised 5 rounds of radiation. So they did.

When The results for the bone scan came : Severe Metastasis to the bone stared right at them. A review of the scans confirmed that the cancer was now at stage 4. 

Prayers and emergency care are their only HOPE.

Plans to travel to India are on the way, and though we wished it would never come to this, we continue to trust God and ask you to stand with them by contributing the much you can and above all that holding them up in prayers.

Pray with me / with her / for her. 

Fundraising Paybill for Tracey.

Paybill No. 488990 - a/c no TRACEY MEDFUND

Deep water faith - Not in the shallow end!

Do you know what it feels like to be 30 years, unmarried, no child, still holding on to a company that your father sometimes thinks is a joke? Well. Welcome to my world, Hello, My name is Grace but my friends call me Ice, and No it is NOT because I am the queen of cool, do not let the photos fool you, beneath the smile is a whole lot of filters and stage managed poses. 

Do not be fooled.

Now last year I was all about uncomfortable zones, and *slow whistle* boy! did I face my demons. Insecurities I thought I would sweep under the carpet stared right at me and demanded a seat at the uncomfortable zone table, I let them sit. Hurts I thought I could keep locked behind the smiles came to the surface and more often than not I found myself face to face with the real me. Me who is impatient, me who holds grudges, me who thinks is better than the next one just because my sins cannot be seen, me who is self-righteous ( Okay.. I think you get the picture.)

The image I saw made my skin cringe. 

I am saved. I know this. God Is GOOD. And ALL that He does is GOOD. I KNOW this. This is knowledge my head knows too well. My heart? Not so much the strings that were to transmit the knowledge from head to heart were not attached. I Doubted. A lot.  There were days on end when I thought of just walking out of the salvation gig, just throw in the towel and live in the ‘que sera sera’ world. Or try out my way since the God way was not letting me live up to my TL’s expectations. There is grace, right? I can play that card, yes? 

But where would I go? 

He was the ONLY one keeping the air in the lungs, the blood flowing, the heart beating the sun rising, the moon falling, the stars shinning the days moving the seasons changing. Even my flawed sight could clearly see His hand in the little things that my heart refused to believe. 

So what if I am not married yet? So what if there is no fruit of the womb yet? So what if All my immediate family members have so gracefully given mum and dad their most precious title of grandparents? So what if I still stand at the financial freedom table while everyone else sits? So what if not all my size zero pants fit? 

SO WHAT?

He Is STILL GOOD and All that HE DOES is GOOD! 

I have had front row seats to seeing mother’s soul dance in pride as she holds her grannies, experienced unexplainable love from my nieces and nephews, walked in places I could only dream of because someone thought my Company was worth it. I am blessed with friends who cannot possibly be friends because they are Literally my family. I have caught a glimpse of how the world looks like, and It is Beautiful! 

This year, I remove myself ( sikujitolea) from the drivers seat. Choose to take the back seat. Give him my ALL! All Doubt, all of me. Every essence of my being. No make up or perfectly put together words, JUST me. I dare to walk by FAITH not By SIGHT. 

*Raises glass* Lets see what this year will bring! 

IT IS A GOOD God Life!