Deep water faith - Not in the shallow end!

Do you know what it feels like to be 30 years, unmarried, no child, still holding on to a company that your father sometimes thinks is a joke? Well. Welcome to my world, Hello, My name is Grace but my friends call me Ice, and No it is NOT because I am the queen of cool, do not let the photos fool you, beneath the smile is a whole lot of filters and stage managed poses. 

Do not be fooled.

Now last year I was all about uncomfortable zones, and *slow whistle* boy! did I face my demons. Insecurities I thought I would sweep under the carpet stared right at me and demanded a seat at the uncomfortable zone table, I let them sit. Hurts I thought I could keep locked behind the smiles came to the surface and more often than not I found myself face to face with the real me. Me who is impatient, me who holds grudges, me who thinks is better than the next one just because my sins cannot be seen, me who is self-righteous ( Okay.. I think you get the picture.)

The image I saw made my skin cringe. 

I am saved. I know this. God Is GOOD. And ALL that He does is GOOD. I KNOW this. This is knowledge my head knows too well. My heart? Not so much the strings that were to transmit the knowledge from head to heart were not attached. I Doubted. A lot.  There were days on end when I thought of just walking out of the salvation gig, just throw in the towel and live in the ‘que sera sera’ world. Or try out my way since the God way was not letting me live up to my TL’s expectations. There is grace, right? I can play that card, yes? 

But where would I go? 

He was the ONLY one keeping the air in the lungs, the blood flowing, the heart beating the sun rising, the moon falling, the stars shinning the days moving the seasons changing. Even my flawed sight could clearly see His hand in the little things that my heart refused to believe. 

So what if I am not married yet? So what if there is no fruit of the womb yet? So what if All my immediate family members have so gracefully given mum and dad their most precious title of grandparents? So what if I still stand at the financial freedom table while everyone else sits? So what if not all my size zero pants fit? 

SO WHAT?

He Is STILL GOOD and All that HE DOES is GOOD! 

I have had front row seats to seeing mother’s soul dance in pride as she holds her grannies, experienced unexplainable love from my nieces and nephews, walked in places I could only dream of because someone thought my Company was worth it. I am blessed with friends who cannot possibly be friends because they are Literally my family. I have caught a glimpse of how the world looks like, and It is Beautiful! 

This year, I remove myself ( sikujitolea) from the drivers seat. Choose to take the back seat. Give him my ALL! All Doubt, all of me. Every essence of my being. No make up or perfectly put together words, JUST me. I dare to walk by FAITH not By SIGHT. 

*Raises glass* Lets see what this year will bring! 

IT IS A GOOD God Life!