Maybe Faith?

Maybe Faith!

One thing I constantly battle with is hearing God’s voice. Myeen!

 I STRUGGLE A LOT! 

Hence I find myself constantly second-guessing most of the ideas/thoughts/plans/relations that I deal with daily. 

Was it God’s will that I start a Company? Or was I too beat up with the lack of communication when I sent out gazillion ‘Job application emails and letters’ that I took the easiest way out? Hid behind entrepreneurship so that I do not have to get another silence/ another regret / another ‘rejection’. Is this company as a result of reckless faith or is it an escape from the seemingly lack of employment opportunities?

Was it really God’s plan / or my escape plan?

I cannot honestly answer this because: *read the second line*.

Building a company is NO walk in the park, leave alone starting a business. There are days on end that I don’t get out of bed because of the paralyzing fear of failing / not being relevant / not getting clients / not getting paid. Despite all these, I cannot ignore the overwhelming satisfaction that comes with doing what I do. I have and would offer communication strategies for free if bills didn’t need to be paid or counties visited or coffee had. There is an unexplainable joy that comes from putting together words that paint pictures and create worlds that exist only in the mind.

But still, a constant question of is it God’s will that I build my company or am I meant to be working for a company? Getting a paycheque at the end of every month? Did I give up too soon on the job searching? Was I like an email away to a dream career?

To those guys who are can hear/know beyond any doubt about God’s will/voice / in all areas of their lives - please show me your ways. Now, I know what the bible says about His sheep and knowing His voice. I know, maybe in 2020 its not just the vision that will be perfected.

This year part of the resolution was deep water faith. Taking on tasks that are very counter-intuitive, like being vulnerable, submitting to the process of being held accountable (especially in business), seeing humans through the eyes of God (eeeh this is the mother of all hard things to do). looking back, I am not sure I did well. I was too stuck on the fear of being hurt or failing.

Other than business, another struggle is the life choices I make. For instance, my non-negotiables when it comes to the dating scenes. Are they too stuck-up? Are they too old fashioned? Are they unrealistic? Now, let’s clear this:- I know there are some men who are not saved that would make for better life partners than the saved men ( I KNOW) BUT one personal non-negotiable is that someone I would consider to be in a relationship with has to have a relationship with Christ. Unfaithfulness is a deal-breaker for me. 

Now here comes the spanner in the works: - is this my own standard or is this God’s will for my course of life. Is this the reason why I hang out with single-hood? Do people still uphold such values? Or does anything go? I have heard numerous stories about Christian men whose actions would make the devil blush, is it still feasible to pray and wait on God for a spouse? The stats and endless stories in these streets make the wait feel futile.

Cheers to the wait.

 
 I don't know what 2020 holds, but I am planning to do a slow dance with all my fears as I do the things that scare me to death.

I wasn't cool enough to join a Life Group.

Have I ever mentioned a time when I was trying to join a Life Group?

 I have never? Well, gather up people. This will be a long story.

The year: 2013

Season: Piecing together a broken heart.

This was not the first time I was nursing a broken heart (You can read about that here), but somehow it felt like it was. The first time I dug deep into the books, found solace in soaking in all the knowledge I could, drowned my sorrows as the GPA rose. It was a breeze. 

This time, there were no books to dig my head into. No GPA to work on. Nothing but allergies and TrioG.  I was out in the real world.

I guess that is why it felt very strange having to deal with these particular human emotions.

“Surrounding yourself with godly people might help,” the mind said to the heart. “I hear a problem shared is half solved.” So, I signed up for a 10week program geared towards forming life long relationships.

The 10 weeks crawled slower than a sloth trying to go up a hill. But I was determined to put in the work, time and money to make sure my life doesn’t spin out of control. Wearing our hearts on our sleeves was a prerequisite, so I did. I was fully committed to bonding with this group. Knocked off some bricks from the emotional wall I had built for years and begun to lower my guard.  

It was emotionally draining, to say the least, but I got through the 10 weeks.

After successfully going through the program, we were given powers to go and build on the relationships that the program had laid the foundation for. I still felt a bit estranged but I was thrilled to be part of a godly group. 

The group met weekly.

More often than not the meeting venue was always way off my way, but seeing I was hell-bent to belong to the group, I dug deeper into my non-existent pocket.

It was financially draining, but it was a price I was willing to pay.

After one of our meetings, I decide to hang behind and spend some time with the group. I walked up to one of the ladies who had mentioned that her kids were home and she was looking for a tutor. She was one of the ladies who for some reason I hadn’t quite had time to interact with.

Ice : What kind of tutor are you looking for?

LG Member: (paused for a minute as she looked me straight in the eye, slightly tilted her head and narrowed her eyes)

Ice : (smiles)

LG Member: I can’t talk about my kids with you. Sorry.

Ice : (insert shattering glass soundtrack here)okay? (smile). Okay.

That was the last nail I needed for that coffin.

I wasn’t asking about their names? (which she had mentioned at some point during the meeting) Or which school they went to. It was a simple small talk (or so I thought) attempt. Her statement removed the veil I had put over my head. I had been trying so hard to fit in, to belong to a Life group that I was missing out on my life.

The truth was, this wasn’t the Life group for me. I wasn’t cool enough to be in their inner circle or even their peripheral. It took me a while to understand this, but I finally did.

Not long after this, I found my way into a fellowship called MadLove. I met a group of people who showed me some mad love, it was insane!!

∞Soul Connect.

ConnectCoffee ∞your heart – this is their slogan. (I translated this to :- connecting coffee infinitely to your heart. And true to their word they do.

I never rush through my coffee; I find that very disrespectful and inconsiderate to the beans that gave up their ghost for you to have a taste of heaven. Catch a glimpse of how Eden must have been before it knew sin. Now at Connect Coffee or at Barista&Co the cup takes longer to be emptied.

With each sip I see the heavens opening up, my soul savors each undertone and the eyelids become too tired and they take a rest. I get to know each bean that went to the grind by its name. If you are keen enough, you can hear the symphony of each grind.

I have noticed how small and intimate the two (Barista&Co and ConnectCoffee) places are, and I have a feeling it is by design. Your welcome begins from your first step into the shop. The hosts that wait on you have a soothing demeanor, they are soft spoken and it feels like each word they utter has been put through the fire for purification. They all smile with their essence and their eyes tell you that you matter. That you have come to the right place. That you will forget all your troubles, that you are safe. And you are. And you do.

As you give your order, from the menu meticulously displayed on their wall, you want to try every type of coffee, but you know you can’t. Today we will have the short latte (this is one of their signature cups) You Must try it.

As you ease your self into the tables, the music catches your soul. The music has been carefully selected. Each song is part of an ongoing story being narrated. There is no way you can leave in the middle of a song. It would be like walking out of a story – no one should do that. 

If you haven’t been to Connect Coffee or Barista&Co, myeeen, do your soul a favor and just go.

Also, when you do, tell me how it was 😊.

Why Do I go back to abusive relationships?

Working from coffee shops is nothing new, it is slowly become a norm (for me) with everyone, not just millennials and geeks 😊. An adventure bug bit this year and I cannot get enough of trying out new joints that I can work from (great for creativity) and enjoy my cuppa caffeine.  

I have had my fair share of coffee shop hopping. I could write a book from the experience, maybe I will. One thing however that I have noticed is the familiarity that slowly creeps in in the coffee shop where I have become a regular. Now this is a two-sided coin, it has its good and bad.

Let’s look at the bad.

In one of my regular joint, a supervisor came up to where I was seated, peeped on my machine to see what I was doing and asked if I am about done. I will ignore his nosy behavior because the words that come from his mouth are more annoying. I asked if there was a problem. He explained how a lady who is also a regular wanted my seat because of the view, and she couldn’t share my table because Greyson was taking up too much space. (Yes, he went there, called my baby fat! The audacity! But I will not get into that seeing I am now seething with anger). He added that I had been there from 1100hrs. I don’t know what to feel at this point, because, I have been in the exact same situation in the same joint. It was the reason why I decided to never come back again. So here I was, looking at a supervisor who is seemingly doing his job (well from where he stands) and in doing that making me feel some sort of way. I should probably add, that the place was NOT full and they have more room upstairs that can take up to 30 people.

Now! PAUSE.

This kind of familiarity irks! 

My assumption is because he has seen me several times before, he thinks that I will not read much into his queer conversation. I ask for the bill and start packing up my earthly possession. Making a mental note to stop acting insane (going back to a place that I have experienced horrible customer service). All this while I am smiling, because composure must be maintained. He goes ahead to say how he is not chasing me out since I am a client too and the lady has already gotten another place to seat. 

I look at him and explain how the plan was to meet up with other guys for lunch and get some work done whilst doing that. He now wants to help me unpack. 

Supervisor: Madame. Wewe ni kama any other client. I was just trying to let you know, you should let us know your plans when you come in. unajua ni lunch time na watu wengi wanapenda hapa umekaa.

Ice : (clenching teeth to suppress a full blown outburst) It is okay. You I can let you have your table.

Supervisor: Kaa tu chini, endelea na kazi yako madam. Pole kama nimesema kitu mbaya.

Ice : (Deep breath. Smiles)

He walks away.

All that is in me screams to get out, but today I woke on the patience and tolerance side of bed. So despite my better judgement I stay, have lunch, and meet up with my friends. 

This instance opens the flood gate to all the horrible customer experiences I have personally experienced. More often than not I NEVER go back to those service providers or places. (I still don't know why I come back here) Sometimes I make it a personal goal to tell as many people as I can to be weary of them, to take their services or goods with a pinch of salt. 

During a conversation I had with another friend she talked about how customer service lacks in most of the businesses she’s dealt with. She understands how pivotal this department is and she loathes the lack of professionalism that encompasses the field. 

All this leads me to this one question – As a businessperson, is your customer relation airtight? Are your clients happy with your services? Would they recommend you to someone? 

Do you genuinely care about your customers?

coffee on the house

Earlier on the year, I mentioned that I would be giving my former favorite hang-out joint another go, right? 

Well I went in today and weee! I don’t know if they are giving up on the business altogether or the staff are content with having one customer per day so when they hit 10, they have surpassed the target and the surplus can serve themselves.

 I decided to choose a day, and a time when it is not peak. Today (Thursday). evening-ish (some minutes past 1600hrs). As expected, there are less than 20 other guys and I settle down to my favorite spot.

I fire up Greyson and carry on with work. (10mins in – No one has bothered to wait on me)

Since my taste buds haven’t decide what they want, I am fine with using their space and doing my work.

 

(20 mins in) No one.

30 mins later a waiter walks by, says hey and walks away…

40 mins later some gentlemen walk in and the same waiter almost breaks her leg as she rushes to get the menu to it give to the newbies.

An hour later – a familiar face walks in, it is the ‘No smile waitress’ who gets your order very fast. I wonder where she has been. 

She walks up to me.

Waitress : ‘umesaidiwa’

Ice : (smiles) nope, not yet.

Waitress : ( grabs a menu, hands it over and walks away)

This got me thinking about brands (promises given by individuals / companies / business). Do you have one? Are you keeping the promise? I would like to imagine that 89 Eateries did not open doors for people to walk in, sit for hours then leaving without consuming their services (food).

‘You should have called one of the waiters to get your order’ – you might say, but the service industry doesn’t quite run, like that. I would easily have walked out after 30 minutes (and this is on a good day), they in-turn would be a few shillings less in their sales today. To some extent, it feels like arrogance.

Now let’s bring this closer home, you are a brand, your business is a brand and so is your company. Are you keeping your promise? Am I? Am I giving 100% to my clients? Are you giving 100% to your employer? Are you diligently working towards enhancing your skills so as to be a better brand / company / business? 

ION, Their coffee is okay, it is better than a cup I once had at Java, but that is a story for another day.