Monday, August 19, 2019

I wasn't cool enough to join a Life Group.


Have I ever mentioned a time when I was trying to join a Life Group?


 I have never? Well, gather up people. This will be a long story.

The year: 2013

Season: Piecing together a broken heart.

This was not the first time I was nursing a broken heart (You can read about that here), but somehow it felt like it was. The first time I dug deep into the books, found solace in soaking in all the knowledge I could, drowned my sorrows as the GPA rose. It was a breeze. 
This time, there were no books to dig my head into. No GPA to work on. Nothing but allergies and TrioG.  I was out in the real world.

I guess that is why it felt very strange having to deal with these particular human emotions.

Surrounding yourself with godly people might help,” the mind said to the heart. “I hear a problem shared is half solved.” So, I signed up for a 10week program geared towards forming life long relationships.

The 10 weeks crawled slower than a sloth trying to go up a hill. But I was determined to put in the work, time and money to make sure my life doesn’t spin out of control. Wearing our hearts on our sleeves was a prerequisite, so I did. I was fully committed to bonding with this group. Knocked off some bricks from the emotional wall I had built for years and begun to lower my guard.  

It was emotionally draining, to say the least, but I got through the 10 weeks.

After successfully going through the program, we were given powers to go and build on the relationships that the program had laid the foundation for. I still felt a bit estranged but I was thrilled to be part of a godly group. 

The group met weekly.

More often than not the meeting venue was always way off my way, but seeing I was hell-bent to belong to the group, I dug deeper into my non-existent pocket.

It was financially draining, but it was a price I was willing to pay.
After one of our meetings, I decide to hang behind and spend some time with the group. I walked up to one of the ladies who had mentioned that her kids were home and she was looking for a tutor. She was one of the ladies who for some reason I hadn’t quite had time to interact with.

Ice : What kind of tutor are you looking for?
LG Member: (paused for a minute as she looked me straight in the eye, slightly tilted her head and narrowed her eyes)
Ice : (smiles)
LG Member: I can’t talk about my kids with you. Sorry.
Ice : (insert shattering glass soundtrack here)okay? (smile). Okay.

That was the last nail I needed for that coffin.

I wasn’t asking about their names? (which she had mentioned at some point during the meeting) Or which school they went to. It was a simple small talk (or so I thought) attempt. Her statement removed the veil I had put over my head. I had been trying so hard to fit in, to belong to a Life group that I was missing out on my life.

The truth was, this wasn’t the Life group for me. I wasn’t cool enough to be in their inner circle or even their peripheral. It took me a while to understand this, but I finally did.





Not long after this, I found my way into a fellowship called MadLove. I met a group of people who showed me some mad love, it was insane!!




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