Beautiful Pain

Random Pic From Google

Have you ever done a hike? No? Well…

Please do.

You can skip this post and come back after the experience. :)( No hard feelings)

Now with that out of the way, you’d think I have been hiking all my life, right? Wrong! I've done it twice. My entire life and I don't understand why! 

 

The first one was in Aberdares and boy was (am I) I unfit! I did nothing to prepare for the hike because, ‘si it's just walking, right?’ And I love walking, plus being an event manager you basically go hiking in every event, right? Wrong!!

The first hike opened up my mind to so many life situations it was heavy. Hence the first call to action. Just do a hike then come back here and compare notes. Now the hike drew the curtains on how you can think you've reached the very end of your strength but you take one more step and another then another. Of how slowly gaps can be made. When you all start together with relatively the same pace but at the end you arrive at the destination minutes and others hours apart though you all took the same route. 

How not everyone makes it to the destination! This hit me hard. There are guys who simply couldn’t take any more steps, and my heart went out to them because I know they would have loved to get to the peak to take in the scenery.  They must have been looking forward to the hike and getting to the destination, but they couldn’t go on. One of the ladies said by passing, ‘I’ll be praying for you’, she probably didn’t think much of it must have meant a lot to the one being told. She’d definitely need the prayers.

How you quickly forget how far you have come because of the how far you need to go. How you literally get to the end of your strength so you rely on others for support. You need to know that they too feel the pain, their legs also want to give in. Then you learn how asking for help is not seen as a sign of weakness. 

How you fall flat on your behind and you want to sit in the mud and you really don't care because walking on is more messy. Then some God sent humans come to where you are, look at you seated in the mud and they stop and give you a hand. You say 'no thank you I am good here,' but they give a gentle nudge to just stand and they will wait as you gather up some strength to make just one more step. You thank them for not leaving you behind, they smile knowingly and you forge on.

Then you will experience love. A love that is not self-seeking a love so pure you will want to hold it and take it with you for all eternity. You will see a physically beat lady with tears in her eyes look back and see that another needs help and she will walk back and give her last ounce of strength to the other. You will catch a glimpse of heaven when your friend bends to give you a needed massage because your muscles fail! You literally feel God’s presence in each painful stride you take. It is such a life changing experience!

You will quickly learn of how much strength you have in your weakness. How you need to encourage yourself in the Lord because you too need to be the helping hand to someone else. How to know your pace and listen to your body. How easily you can block out the world and be with the Lord! Alone in the crowd! How God's presence and voice is crystal clear amidst the organs failure. How to praise despite the agony. How to live in that moment. That moment you know you have come to the end of you. That moment you KNOW that each move from there is proof of His strength!

When you think you have experienced it all! That you are done with hikes, a certain thirst to experience God in that honesty builds up and it becomes a fire in your bones. You cannot wait for the next time you are physically beat, self-inflicted pain. A crucifixion of the flesh so that the spirit can flex its muscles. A thirst that keeps you coming to the well. Coming for more of Him. To know, really know His heart. Hear His voice...

So, like I said... If you have not hiked, please, please, please... DO YOURSELF a Favor and do it!!

aberdares

Dear fat lady, please sing!

Every once in a while, you get the pleasure of hearing your heart break. The sound of it is not only deafening but it also shakes your soul. It takes the little hope you had and squishes life out it. Then lets you breathe for a fraction of a second, just enough air to keep your lungs from giving in, then presses the loop button.

This year, well I think I am learning to dance to the sound of my breaking heart and make art with the pieces of hope left. I keep telling the year to take a bow, the show is over, it has done an amazing performance but I think the 'Fat lady' has not yet sung so the show goes on. Maybe she too, has been gutted by 2016 and is somewhere looking for her voice. If you read this 'fat Lady' find your danm voice already! This show MUST end!

I remember wishing for death, yes, the end of lungs with air and a beating of the heart. The whole end! I was young; I thought I knew it all.  I was deathly afraid of seeing what you have shown me 2016! I never wanted to be in that position where I have to do what adults do, or make decision like they do, but above all I was Afraid of seeing the woman I call angel on her knees, in defeat. 

This is a woman who not only brought me to this world but has always put up a fight to keep me here. This year has given her some fine blows, constant tears in her eyes because ALL her babies are not okay. If one was, maybe that would console her. But none is! Mama feels it all. She knows how wind has been knocked out of her babies’ lungs and gutted is slowly becoming all they know, and she knows!

That is all you have done 2016, you have not pulled any punches! You let us have it all! We almost no longer feel! So we laugh, laugh at just how cruel you have been, love more! That is all we have left, love! That is one thing we will not run out of. The rest, you can take, we do not feel that much any way... but we Love! We will laugh at how we will clean hospital corridors just to get through, because the hospital bill has way too many zeros at the end. These corridors will be spotless when we walk out together. We will hold one who holds all our lives in his little fingers. We will have God on our side!

2016, there is more, you have brought down the walls. Now we know! We know friends that are family! We know just what it means to have nothing but each other, we know! You have taught us that we are not exempted from life, you have shown us our greatest fears and have invited them to dine with us. You set a table for us and invited insecurities, lack, fear, uncertainty, heartbreaks, letdowns and pain to wait on us. You fed us lies, false promises, anger, mistrust filled our stomachs with such pity that we almost do not know what our gut feelings are!

You need to end 2016. You really do!