Dear Modern_Kenyan_man

I highly doubt i should start my blog with such a complex topic (yea i just said topic to sound all journalistic which i aignt,  but most of my family members would argue otherwise. That however is a blog for another day) ooh back to the point where i was saying that this is probably not a good place to start, the truth is i gave normalcy and society's expectation a shot and i have failed bigly (don't reach out for your dictionary yet- Bigly is yet to be put there but it will in due time.) Anyhuu i think being normal is overrated so i take pride in being called a psycho- not many's choice of title but like i said i didnt do too well in the normal world:)and what do they know right?


Maybe i should go back to the topic of discussion (wuhuu Ms. Kizito would be so proud of me for using those words -Topic of Discussion-) ok so here is the thing, leo i walked into to town to try out my newly acquired second pair of eyes and dazzle people with them but wat i saw made me want to go back home and sleep through this year. What happened to the boys in Nairobi? Was there an alien coo that got rid of all the boys and replaced them with a breed between boy and girl? Every where i turn my four eyes i see some dude in skinny jeans, a tight shirt and some pair of weird looking shoes (space shoes as they are called. they should be worn in people's dreams or SPACE). kama hii ndio inaitwa fashion..wake me up when its over Ala!!! This is outrageous! As if that is not enough we now have Man_bags i doubt there is anything manly about them but well-- they are there!!. I am not trying to hate on any one's fashion statement for that would be wrong en a tard bit unethical you know. But SERIOUSLY man_bags? skinny jeans? fitting tops? lip gloss...aaaiigh

So i walk in my least favorite joint that i haven't visited in a long time, not because i didn't like their well cooked diverse meal which is ALWAYS accompanied with some sort of meat (i should let you know that i am a devout vegetarian)but because their waiters are a little bit slower than any tortoise known to mankind. I head to the counter to get my 'take away' juice only to 'accidentally over hear' (some people would call it eavesdropping but thank God i'm not one of those people ) a conversation that i wish didn't hear. So there is this couple(by their body language it is evident even to a blind man that the two are more than good friends) sited right next to the cashier counter (i wonder if there should be a table at this point! trust lovely kikuyu's to make use of any space to capitalize on the profits), i don't know who had passed on but they both seemed like they were carrying the whole world on their shoulders. Being the Kenyan that I am, i wanted to know why they were wearing the long face not because i would offer any help but just to hear their story. Lady luck was on my side as an old man who was sitting behind them got up to leave throwing them the craziest look i have ever seen. I could have sworn that he was going to snap their little heads! I did not pay much attention to his look, but I wish I had. I almost broke my legs as i walked gracefully towards the old man, so as to have his seat before any other person thought of it. If I didn't give him the scare of his life then he must have been in the world war. As i gently eased myself on the seat i realized the couple had attracted most of the waiters' attention. One waiter walks over to me and asks what i was having, i took the Menu he was handing me and pretended to go through it. I knew i was having juice from the moment i walked through the door but it wouldn't kill to show the waiter that i too can be indecisive.'Niletee Mango juice tafathali' i said after what seemed like moments of careful deliberation. 'nime add 2kg from the last time nilijipima, do i look fat?' this statement almost threw me off the chair! it didn't end there 'jana Mike aliniambia ati kucha zangu hazikai fiti just coz sijaenda Mani for two weeks, aki look at the way they are' it took all the energy i had not to turn around and give this girl masquerading in a man's cloth a beating of a life time, she was giving the man, as we know him a bad name! I turned around to see the other girl with a stream of tears on her face! 'serves you right for hanging around such humans' i wanted to tell her but the sane voice in me told me to mind my own business. En the complains went on en on en..... I was ready to jump out from the 10th floor of KNH, by the time the waiter came back with my order.

I walk out of the joint head down and juice in my hand which i give to the little girl sited in the street with her mother. her mother goes on to thank me and shower me with blessings but the words which are now engraved in my genius mind make it difficult for me to say anything inspiration to the woman and i walk away in silence. As i board the matatu the whining of the man in the joint is so vivid that the greetings from the tout pass me by and i sit in the aura of my confusion. What happened to the 'flingstone man' who did not cry when he put on weight or used his teeth to cut his nails en put on decently. The one i didn't have to compete with in the salon, clothes store, beauticians, cosmetics, :( whateva happened to him? Now who will i obsess my weight gain,bad hair day en many other things to:( ooh well thank goodiness for my KingJulianDenzelDepp Character who i can always count on...

Sign
TheIceGal